Using Hate to Love

Most people don't know this about life but there really is a secret to live in this crazy world.  We take for granted the things we have directly in front of us because we are scared to lose these things so we often choose to not even get attached.  This is the problem we face.  We, as human beings have become so focused on not getting attached, not having that emotional connection, not wanting to get hurt that it takes away from the very thing that makes us who we are.

Emotions are not meant to be kept inside.  We are meant to feel things.  Hope.  Misery.  Happiness.  Laughter.  Sadness.  Anger.  Joy.  Excitement.  Surprise.  Worry.  We are meant to feel.  So why then are we trying to cover up the very things that keep as human?  I really can't talk.  I know I'm known for bottling up my emotions and not saying them to anyone because we all believe it's "easier."  Not saying anything is taking the fast lane and trying to fast forward our lives to the better part.  Get out of this funk and move on to better, happier things.

But please that's not how life works people and I can testify to that.  In a world filled with a million reasons to hate feelings, I find a billion reasons to love it.  And why?  Because I believe in this world.  I believe in other people.  I believe in myself.  I don't count on other people because I don't want to have to depend on others.  But I always want people to depend on me.  If you need me, I will be there.  Not because I have to either, but because I want to.

This is what I'm saying with the love and hate thing.  So many people use love as a way to hate others, society, everything.  But the thing is if you flip it around, it's amazing what you can do.  You may use love to hate but I use hate to love.  

Hate to Love?

It's kind of an odd way to describe something but it makes sense when you think about it.  For everything someone does to me that isn't what I want, it gives me another reason to give them a chance to be better.  To do good.  Their hate gives me another reason to give them love because they need it in their lives.

Now you're probably thinking, my gosh, this girl is crazy.  Does she even realize what she's saying?  Believe me, I do.  It took me a while to figure this out but I really do believe in this weird thing.  I do not like to show my emotions, my feelings, my love in an essence, so I use the hate of others to show it.  An odd concept but when put into action, it works.

If you use love to hate then you are not understanding the meaning of life.  You cannot love something without hating something else.  By hating things, I am loving others.  It's backwards.  It's weird.  It's crazy even.  But the more I write and think about it, the more I really believe in this crazy idea.

Ask me if I like that girl from high school and I will tell you no but I love the way she isn't afraid to stand up and be who she wants.  You see, hate can become good when followed with kindness.  It's when we say we love something but then refute it by saying there is a problem with them tho, that we are getting rid of everything nice we say and accomplish in life.

You may use love to hate but, darling I use hate to love.

Here's Hate to Love...

You may use love to bait.
You may use love when you wait.
You may use love as a human trait.
But darling, I use hate to love.

You may use love as a sign.
You may use love to shine.
You may use love to say you're fine.
But darling, I use hate to love.

     We love to hate.  And hate to love.
     And wonder what we're dying of.
     We're scared to feel that way again.
     So I close my eyes and count to 10.
       1, 2, 3,
          I'm not ready to see.
       4, 5, 6,
          it's time to be fixed.
       7, 8, 9,
          I'm cutting that line.
       10,
          I use hate to love.  Amen.

You may use love to be strong.
You may use love when you're wrong.
You may use love to write a new song.
But darling, I use hate to love.

You may use love to speak.
You may use love when you're weak.
You may use love to be unique.
But darling, I use hate to love.

     We love to hate.  And hate to love.
     And wonder what we're dying of.
     We're scared to feel that way again.
     So I close my eyes and count to 10.
       1, 2, 3,
          I am ready to be.
       4, 5, 6,
          I won't fall for your tricks.
       7, 8, 9,
          You're not my life line.
       10,
          I use hate to love.  Amen.

Opening a New Door

In society, we are told to conform to the "norm" of today, but what even is that now?  Growing up, I've always had my different way of doing things.  When I was mad at someone, I'd write them a letter and send it in the mail.  When I liked someone, I'd write them a cute little note and slip it onto their desk at school.  Writing was and always will be my escape from this crazy world called reality.  So here, is where I'm going to actually start sharing some of them.  Why?  It's partially anonymous and the chances of one of my classmates from my small town actually seeing this is slim to none.  Also, there's power in sharing emotions no matter how brutal they can get.
I'm your basic teenager in college who's gone through breakups, lost family members, had tragedies happen.  But the thing that connects me to you is the fact that what you may be going through right now, I've gone through it too.  Often times, people belittle their emotions because they think no one else can ever feel that.  Well, guess what, we have.  In some way, shape, or form, we have all gone through similar things.
I'm merely here to write those emotions down. 
Because that's the beauty of writing things down.  When that pen hits the paper, those words become feelings and those feelings become real.  And that's when you know, you may not be okay.
So after writing my thoughts and feelings of that day, I'll share with you all a writing of some sort that could be new or old that is my own.  It could be long or short.  Some may go to a song; I'll put that in there too.  Most of them will rhyme, just forewarning you now.  But they're me.   
And this is me opening a new door.  To what, we do not yet know.

Confident and prepared,
     she left that little town.
Not caring if they stared,
     she was ready to take on the world.
With a dream in her head
     and a full tank of gas,
She left the letters on her bed
     and said her last goodbyes.

And she drove away, destination unknown.  Told mama she'd call,
when she found what she was looking for.  She left all she knew, her
husky too.  Still unsure why she had to go.  But the only way she 
would ever know for sure, is if she opened a new door.

At age nineteen she thought
     the world was hers to explore.
But she quickly found out it's not,
     it's more like truth or dare.
And no one plays by the rules
     every truth becomes a dare.
In the end we look like fools,
     and she began to cry.

And she drove away, destination unknown.  Told mama she'd call,
when she found what she was looking for.  She left all she knew, her
husky too.  Still unsure why she had to go.  But the only way she 
would ever know for sure, is if she opened a new door.

The dreams she had
     never felt more wrong.
Was she mad
     when she thought she could change the world?
She was only nineteen
     when she thought she knew
the world could never be cruel and mean
     until it closed another door.