Impossible. Difficult. Done.

 First, it's impossible.  Then, it's difficult.  And before you know it, it's done.

It's weird because I have never thought of a task or thing in this sequence before.  But anytime you want to try, to do something new, you go through this initial thought process.  

First, it's impossible.  Yeah, first, we think there is no possible way we could start a new business, ace that interview, get that promotion at work.  And it's true.  Most people think of trying something new as too hard to accomplish and therefore, impossible to achieve.  So what changes to get us from this first "impossible" stage to the next?  By faith, a lot can change.  The first step is believing in ourselves, believing that this want, this impossible thing we want to do, is, in fact, possible.

Then, it's difficult.  Congrats, you finally got the job, the promotion, the permit to start your new business.  And now, you feel lost in the world of not knowing what you're doing, trial and error phases of what works and what doesn't, constantly wondering if all your hopes and dreams for this thing you had wanted your life, is worth it.  And why?  Because it's difficult.  Change is difficult.  Building your life, your career into something bigger is difficult.  It's hard work.  And it's not just going to happen overnight.  But you got over the impossible phase, so difficult can it be?

And one day, you'll look back on life and realize, it's done.  You've reached that top position at work and you're thriving everyday, you love your career.  You officially opened the doors on your new business and it's flourishing like you always dreamed it would.  One day, you'll look around you and realize, the impossible was actually possible, you just didn't believe.  In yourself.  In the work.  In God.  One day, you'll realize, everything changed the day you took a chance to believe that everything would work out, someday, somehow, somewhere.  And it did.

Your dream, your purpose, your life is waiting to be fulfilled.  It may seem impossible now, but it won't always be that way.  It may seem difficult in the process, but nothing worth it, is ever easy to achieve.  You will feel like you're on a roller coaster, until one day you'll find yourself looking back and realizing you achieved the things you once thought were impossible.  One day, it will be done.

My younger self would never believe it.  Everything was impossible back then.  From reaching the top shelf to living in a new place, the world was full of impossible possibilities.  Then, life became difficult.  School was increasingly hard.  Family hardships brought on difficult emotional adjustments.  Career goals constantly began changing as life never quite seemed to be what I wanted it to be.  Then, it felt easy.  Everything I had worked for was falling into place.  I got the job.  I got the place.  I got the car.  And then, life wasn't all that.  I fell hard wondering where in life I was supposed to be.  I thought I was done.  What happened to that easy life?  But looking back, I had just achieved the impossible things I thought I could never do at the time, and now, I've started a new chapter.  

I'm starting my new impossible.  Life is beautiful like that, because in order to start a new impossible, I first would have had to have an impossible that became possible.  

Impossible.  Difficult.  Done.  An endless cycle that seems so crazily out of reach, we don't even realizing we are achieving it until it's done.  

Feeling the Feelings and Seeing the Difference

It's been a minute since I wrote on a platform other than the comfort of my notebook and pen.  The raw emotions just don't feel the same when you cannot see how the writing was written.  Truly, a lot can be read between the lines of scribbled, half-cursive handwriting or neat, well-thought-out, printed lettering.  I believe emotions play a stronger role than we realize in all aspects of life, but isn't that was makes it so incredible?

I can't say I opened a new page on this blog to talk about writing aspects and how it's not just the words but the feelings written in those words that tell the story too, yet here I am doing just that.  But really, have you ever thought of that?  As a writer, I notice when my handwriting goes from serious to playful to anxious to rushed, all simply by looking at the words I wrote down, not even reading them.  

Maybe this is just a writer thing, but I think it goes deeper than the initial thoughts and practices.  We like to assume that perfect, pretty writing correlates to well-thought out ideas but I find some of my loopiest handwriting to be when I can feel the words flowing out of me.  And those are my favorite writing days.  I don't think.  I just write.  I can feel the words.  I can breathe the energy.  I can taste the fire that moves through me as those words hit that paper.  It's magical to some degrees but not in a Disney princess kind of way.  It's deeper, coming from the mysteries of life only God can enlighten us about.  Those, those are my favorite writings.

There comes a day when the world no longer stops.

    When the world keeps living and I'm just here.

For the people who can keep living, I give you props.

    But for me, that's my biggest fear.

This life won't wait for me to explore.

    The tick of the clock is always near.

I'm waiting to walk through that new door.

    But first, I might as well stop for a beer.

        Tick.  One second goes by.

        Tock.  Two days later.

        Tick.  Three years just happened.

        Tock.  Four words... Where did time go?

There comes a day when the world no longer stops.

    Days turn into nights and I'm still just living.

I look around and my stomach drops.

    Not living, but barely surviving.